Last night, I had a dream that I was driving around with my grandma. We passed some really nice houses, and she said, I think Lindsay Lohan lives in one of those. We stopped, and I was looking at one of them and saying, I wonder which one she lives in. Then, I saw Lindsay through the window, and she came outside. She was being kind of a bitch. But then, she invited me in, and we had some drinks, and she was flirting with me. She gave me her number, and said we should hang out...

Gosh, I'm lonely.

fuck the internet

For years, I've been using the internet. Hoping to find someone, or something, real. But, of course, I'm not a real person to you, and you're not real to me. Because you don't hear my voice, because I don't see your face.

I just broke up with him, I'm broke, and I have no job. And it's my birthday. I asked if someone on facebook would buy me a drink. 200 "friends", and not even one person will spend a few dollars on me. Pathetic.

I hate the internet. I've never felt so alone.

it's my twenty third birthday.
the boy and i broke up last night.
binged this morning, and purged dinner last night, but it's not technically my 23rd year until 1130am. after that, it's different. the whole food thing. i'm going to record everything i eat and drink.

justin wants to hang out next weekend, with grace and i. wonder how that's gonna go.

general sense of foreboding

it's 2pm on our one-year anniversary, and my boyfriend isn't calling, or picking up the phone when I call. we're supposed to go out to dinner tonight, but usually he is always in contact, so i'm a bit worried. i hope that he's okay, i'd rather him be mad at me for some random thing and not telling me, than him not be okay.

I have that record ^^^ :D

Anyways, I have a bad feeling about this.
when i have done something "wrong", i'm usually not aware of it, and that makes it a bit difficult to not do things that are wrong. usually, when he's irritated with me about something, it's a thing that i never even thought would bother anyone. and i don't know if that makes him overly sensitive, or if it makes me oblivious.
.......................................
well, he just called and he sounded pretty weird... and i asked him if something was wrong and he was like "well, we don't have to talk about it today, don't worry about it." ugh.

honestly, i'd rather be single in springtime anyway. relationships require so much maintenance, and we're so young.

delicious aspiration

A new journal, to begin new as spring.

(I have a xanga, but my boyfriend reads it.)
this time, i'm doing this alone.

and i will be thin.